Is grief on a dial or a switch? Both.
Over six short weeks in 2022, Betsy Thibaut Stephenson lost her son to suicide, mother-in-law to dementia, and family dog to cancer. Rather than succumb to grief’s darkness, Betsy chose to face her losses head-on, accepting grief as an uninvited yet permanent companion in her revised life.
Blackbird is a memoir composed in real time, a concise and brutally honest look at the emotional, physical, and spiritual impact of deep despair. By unflinchingly pulling back the curtain of fear and shame, Betsy’s story inspires important conversations about mental health, grief resilience, and creating a path toward healing.
Initially, shock and shame pushed me into myself and away from inquiring minds, but decades of experience as a crisis communications consultant has taught me that curiosity about our family’s experience with death’s onslaught would persist, whether or not I wanted to talk about it. We chose to speak openly, especially about Charlie’s suicide. This decision is helping diffuse the mysterious power of suicide and its kamikaze copilot depression, and in the process, our openness has benefited my family by making it easier for our community to participate in the healing journey.
Through Blackbird and its affiliated social media platforms, I share how I’ve navigated the disbelief of losing a child; the emotional, physical, and interpersonal toll of grief; and the steps I’ve taken to retrain my body and brain to heal and re-emerge. I will also share resources, musings, and inspiration about life and growth.
Stories are essential nutrition in grief management, but in the early months of loss, most books I reached for only addressed slivers of my experience. I craved guidance on the practicality of being alive when my son was dead. And I was very self-centered in my grief, completely consumed with reimagining my life, which left little room for others’ stories.
Memoirs validated my experience through examples and insight, but they also could veer so deeply into backstories and analysis that my battered brain was not able to keep up. Self-help books offered advice backed by science and clinical findings, yet they tended to rely on a single thesis or limited point of view. Grief is not one-size-fits-all, and I craved a wide range of perspectives.
I’ve crafted Blackbird to slide between memoir and self-help, focusing not on “how to heal” but rather “how I have healed.” It is my hope that Blackbird meets grievers where they are, and that it provides helpful guidance to those seek to support grievers.
“A cathartic in-the-moment chronicle … [that] illustrates responses, survival tactics, and ways to reach for the light of life even in the deepest darkness … a very specific, enlightening, and ultimately uplifting story of recovery and understanding.”
– Midwest Book Review
“Betsy Stephenson‘s raw, unflinching account of her son’s suicide and its aftermath adds to a growing body of storytelling that seeks to destigmatize depression, mental illness, and suicide. Her memoir, Blackbird, offers important insights, fueling the national conversation on how to more honestly and effectively help those who are suffering and, ultimately, find better, systemic solutions to address the current mental health crisis.”
– Rachel Zimmerman
Journalist and author, Us, After: A Memoir of Love and Suicide
“Betsy Stephenson has gifted us with a refreshingly honest and trustworthy guidebook. If you, or someone you care about wants help clearing the path forward after a loss, read this book.”
– Ken Druck, Ph.D.
Author, How We Go On: Self-Compassion, Courage and Gratitude on the Path Forward
